Harmony Through Conflict

Most people are afraid of conflict. They believe that keeping the peace is more important than holding to an opposing point of view. That not conflicting ideas with other people makes us more spiritual.

You can’t have harmony if you ignore the conflict that’s within us or within our society.

There are so many perspectives out there. So finding what’s true for us and holding to that truth isn’t just about being dogmatic, in fact it’s not about being dogmatic at all. It’s about looking at how many different perspectives we can hold – even some perspectives that we don’t fully agree with and yet we can allow that they are valid – and even while holding the many perspectives, being clear about the one truth that for us is non-negotiable. And once we’re clear about that one truth it’s not about aggressively holding to it, it’s about allowing that truth to help us to see what within us is unclaimed, what conflict arises as a result of that truth.

So for example, there’s an old saying, never speak of the dead. And while I can understand and agree to it, if I know that someone who’s passed away was not a very kind, generous or caring person, I can’t pretend that they were because they’ve suddenly died. Death doesn’t bestow sainthood.

So how do I resolve that? It’s by looking at these challenges and seeing where we’re holding two opposing thoughts, each of which are valuable to us, and then finding the common ground between them, because that’s what makes us whole.

If we run away from conflict, if we refuse to disagree, for fear of what might occur, we can’t grow. We’re holding somebody else’s truth as more important than our own and therefore we’re not being authentic. I’m not saying go out and beat a drum. I certainly don’t think it’s a good idea to march all over the place demanding that everybody else accept my truth as the only truth. I do believe that discussion, debate is important. Not debate that diminishes another, not discussion that proves my superiority over anybody else’s but the ability to sit calmly, listen to different viewpoints and navigate where those viewpoints agree with mine and where they don’t and accept that at this particular point, let’s agree to disagree.

Harmony through conflict is about navigating through all the layers that we wear based on our experiences, and finding the one common thread between it all that takes us into the heart of who we are, allows us to be real and honest, and not to feel we have to prove or validate ourselves to other people.